I love this. It's a time of immeasurable solitude; just you and the new day, and the frosted, naked city. There is an inner silence to match the outer, nothing but the movement, the breathing, the focus on each step. It's timeless. Endless. No matter what is going on in one's life, whatever challenges and trials exist to be met and overcome, there is always this discipline of the body to return to. An anchor. An old friend. A path with no conclusion, just there - waiting for you to step out and head a little further along it.

It's a path often shared, and such times are a real pleasure and bring their own reward. But in the end it's a personal journey and there is nothing quite like the vast aloneness of such quiet passing through the world, leaving no trace and wanting for none. You expand to fill that space, awareness stretches and merges with your world, the sights, sounds, smells and feel of it. Gradually you fade into it too. And what is left is the body, the breath, the blood, the movement.

Without fail the greatest pleasures in life are the simplest. They are primordial, pure, made of what is and what you brought with you into the world, no more than that. And it's enough. Always enough. These things just are. Just life, just seeing such mornings and being able to flow through them and on into the awakening day. There's a stillness and a calmness in it, a sense of ground. The world and daily life can rage, swirl and shout as much as it wants - this silence endures, lives. Waits. For us to find it again. And when we do it passes no judgement if we have neglected it for a while.

So on I run, moving free and unnoticed, and the world is mine alone for an endless moment. This path, with its distance, its time, its terrain, feeds out behind me and disappears as soon as I have passed. Until only I am left. And then I too am gone. Lungs draw air, a heart pumps blood, muscles pulse and movement happens.

And it's enough.

Le dimanche 13 Avril 2008, je suis gentiment allongé sur mon sofa quand le téléphone sonne, après quelques minutes de conversations, je me lève pour chercher une info sur mon ordi lorsque que je sens comme un étourdissement. Je n’arrive plus à fixer l’image d’Agota et ma façon de parler est un peu trouble. Inquiète, ma femme appelle les urgences. 10 minutes plus tard les infirmiers sont là et me font différents tests. Ils m’emmènent alors à l’hospital où je fait des examens medicaux plus approfondis IRM, CT scan... Le résultat sera: un petit AVC dans la partie arrière de mon cerveau. Le docteur me dit en souriant” Vous avez eu de la chance, vous n’êtes pas mort et rien n’a été endommagé que ce soit sur le plan physique et moteur ou sur le plan psychologique, vous n’aurez aucune paralisie mais nous devons vous garder ici pour faire tous les tests nécessaires. Ils m’ont découvert un souffle au Coeur, c’est peut être une des causes de ce qui est arrivé mais rien n’a été prouvé.Après 10 jours passé à l’hospital, le 23 avril 2008, je me suis fait opérer du Coeur pour fixer ce souffle.

Durant tout ce temps passé à l’hospital pour mon cerveau, mon Coeur et mon genou, j’ai du faire face à:

• DES PEURS, pourrais-je être capable d’être à nouveau physiquement actif, refaire du sport...?


• DES DOUTES, pourrais-je continuer à vivre normalement, être un bon mari, un bon père, un frère, un fils, un ami...?


• DES DECEPTIONS et DES SURPRISES, pourrais je pardonner à ces gens qui se disaient proche de moi et qui m’ont laissé tomber? Et pourrais je suffisamment remercier ceux dont je ne m’attendais pas forcément qui m’ont tendu la main avec plaisir...


• DES DOULEURS, pourrais-je oublier? La douleur physique s’estompe avec le temps, elle n’est rien comparée à la douleur morale. Cela fait beaucoup plus mal de se rendre compte des vraix intentions de certaines personnes à ton éguard ET decouvrir qu’ils seront là pour toi seulement lorsque tu as 100% à donner mais lorsque tu es un peu en dedans et que tu aurais le plus besoin de support , ils ne serons jamais là pour toi...


• DES RENCONTRES pourrais-je etre plus courageux? J’ai fait la rencontre de Drake, cet ado qui se bat contre le cancer et qui a été pour moi une source d’inspiration et de courage.


• DES PENSEES POSITIVES, pourrais-je être plus heureux? Le Samedi 9 aout 2008, la célébration religieuse en Roumanie de notre marriage avec 250 personnes venant de 15 pays différents, quel Bonheur!


• DES ENERGIES RETROUVEES, pourrais-je être plus conscient de mes forces et de leurs origines maintenant? C’est un réconfort de savoir vraiment d’où l’on vient, qui l’on est et où l’on veut aller. Je ne laisserai plus jamais personne décider pour moi ce qui est bon pour, ma famille, mon sport, ma carrière, ma vie future...

L a vie n’est pas toujours “un long fleuve tranquille” MAIS c’est la vie. Il n’y a pas de bonnes ou mauvaises expèriences, il n’y a que des expèriences et nous apprenons tous les jours à y faire face. Ce qui ne tue pas rend plus fort...
Ma leçon: “Tu ne pourras jamais réellemment t’épanouir dans la vie et être vrai avec les autres si tu n’est pas capable d’être honnête avec toi même? Ne jamais abandonner, ne jamais perdre espoir et ne jamais laisser les autres ou le contexte te voler ton sourir mais apprendre à relativiser sont pour moi des règles d’or.
Mes parents m’ont toujours dit:“Après la pluie vient toujours le beau temps, même si cela peut prendre du temps “:-)

2008 THE BIGGEST LESSON

(English Translation)

It is the 4th April 2008, I’m coaching Annty and my wife Agota at the precision’s castle (Wandsworth), I go above a railing, my foot stays stuck on the top of the railing, I fall backwards in slow motion. As soon as I touch the floor I hear clack clack. The result is my anterior crucial ligament in my left knee is torn. The operation is scheduled for 11th of November 2008... Everything went well.

It is Sunday 13th April 2008, I’m gently laying on my sofa when the phone rings, after a few minutes of conversation, I stand up to check some information on my computer when I start feeling dizzy, I can’t fix anymore Agota’s image and my way of talking is a bit slurred . My wife is worried, she calls 999. Ten minutes later the ambulance arrives, they do tests to identify what is wrong. They drive me to the hospital where I go through loads of further medical tests such as MRI scan, CT scan etc... The result is: a tiny stroke in the back part of my brain. The surgeon says with a smile:”You were lucky, you’re not dead and nothing has been damaged in your body and your brain. You won’t be paralysed nor have any other damage but we have to keep you here to do all the necessary tests. They find a hole in my heart, it could be one of the reasons for the stroke but nothing has been proved. After staying 10 days at the hospital, I had a heart surgery to fix the hole.

The entire time I spent at the hospital regarding my brain, my heart and my knee, I had to face:

• SOME FEARS, will I be able to be physically active again, to do sport again...?


• SOME DOUBTS, will I be able to carry on living normally, be a good husband, a good dad, a brother, a son, a friend...?


• SOME DISAPPOINTMENTS AND SURPRISES, will I be able to forgive all those people who pretended being my close friends but they let me down? And will I be able to thank enough the ones that I did not expect to support me but they did with pleasure?


• SOME PAIN, will I be able to forget? The physical pain fades with time but it’s nothing compared to the emotional pain. It is more painful to see the real intention of some people AND realise that they are only there for you when you give 100% but not when you are down and you need them the most.


• SOME ACQUAINTANCES will I be able to be brave? I met this teenager, Drake, who is fighting against cancer. For me he is a real source of inspiration and courage.


• SOME POSITIVES THOUGHTS, will I be able to be happier? On Saturday 9thAugust 2008, the blessing ceremony of our wedding in Romania with 250 people from 15 different countries, oh happy days... !


• SOME REFOUND ENERGIES will I be able to be more conscious of my force and where it comes from now? It’s such a comfort to know where we come from, who we are and where we want to go. I will never again let anybody decide what is good for my family, my sport, my career, my future life etc...
  Life is not always “a quiet long river” BUT it’s life. There are no good or bad experiences, there are only experiences and we learn every day how to face them. What does not kill you make you stronger...

My lesson
“ You will never really be able to blossom in life and be real with the others if you’re not capable to be honest with yourself. Never give up, never lose hope and never let somebody else or a context steal your smile but learn to put things into perspective.” All these are some golden rules for me.
My parents said:” after the rain comes always sunshine” even though sometimes it can take a while”:-)