#39Breaking Jumps
By Brian Appiah Obeng | posted on 25 April 2009 | 4 comments
Autumn '07.
Breaking a Jump.
That's all it was that day.
Breaking a Jump.
Abbey Road. A Staircase. Break a Jump.
GO!
I mean... its me that picked the challenge. I'm the one that saw it... I'm the one that chose it... and most importantly... I'm the one that knows I can do it... its the most challenging jump I've ever attempted, and I want it... so WHY am I not actually DOING it?
Here I am in the middle of the estate, standing at the top of a staircase staring down the jagged steps. I looked up at the walkway that ran left to right above it, and judged the distance from where I stood to the worn blue handrail bolted to it. I could already picture myself making the jump... I could feel the jump... bit still... I was not doing the jump...
I know, I know... "breaking a jump" means to find a something you've never done before, and especially something you believe will be challenging, or downright tough... then do it. Still, to me, its a phrase that almost sounds dreamy... romantic even. To break a jump is a moment that transcends both the...
...FOCUS MAN!!!
...none of those descriptions matter now...
...what I know is what I know, now get back to what you were doing...
...but... why aren't my feet listening to me...
...why are my legs not paying attention?
...I'm frozen!!
..."wiggle your big toe" isn't working!
...so much damn noise in my head...
...so many excuses...
...so many distractions...
...procrastinate...
...yes, that's what I have to do...
...I... if I delay this, then I can get out of doing this...
...I can go and...
...I...
...no...
...breathe...
...just calm yourself and breathe...
...ok...
...focus on the jump...
...you have the distance...
...you have the strength...
...you have the ability...
...but...
...so many thoughts flitting by!
"...where are you going to land?"
"...where are you going to place your hands?"
"...where are you going to place your feet?"
"...do the surfaces give me enough grip to make the landing?"
"...what if I slip?"
"...what if I fall?"
"...wait... why are you even thinking that?"
"...are you scared?"
...dammit man... empty your mind!
Aaaaaaaargh!! Frustration!!!
...ok... change something...
...but what...
...pushups!
...yes, let go of the jump, turn your back on it, and do some pushups...
I dropped down and started counting.
...1-2-3-4...
Banging them out... the adrenaline was coursing.
...28-29-30...
I just didn't feel tired.
...49-50-51...
Keep going.
...63-64-65...
But I knew that when I stopped, I had to do the jump.
...78-79-80...
...you know what...
...stand up...
...there's nowhere to hide from it...
...just go...
...do it...
...do it.
I walked back to the spot.
...still nothing...
...still nothing...
...still nothing...
...the fear's back...
...what the hell man?!
I remember looking up and seeing Stephane and Kazuma. They could see what was going on in my head.
Kazuma gave me a technical option of how to land... advice on my foot an hand placement for safety... advice that calmed me.
Stephane told me... "Give yourself a time. Count. When that time's up, if you jump, you jump. That's it." - words for resolve.
...inside, I let loose a brief smile...
I gave myself a minute. One solitary minute. Take it or leave it.
...start counting...
...60...
...59...
...58...
...I'm still counting...
...the noise is subsiding...
...47...
...46...
...45...
...this is it man...
...29...
...28...
...27...
...then something changed...
...an instant where I realised, up until now, I hadn't been in control. I was letting events control me. I was a slave to my emotions. It was a tiny realisation, but it changed my perception of everything.
...3... I decide to be in control.
...2... I decide to step up to the spot.
...1... I decide to jump.
I jump.
...that's when it returned... that feeling of calm. I remember the feeling of actually jumping. That moment when you feel like you're actually in flight. When there's no conscious thought, and your instincts take over. When all I can hear is the breeze as I fly through the air. Its a beautiful feeling, and reminds me why I love to move. Its not so much slow motion as a moment of clarity, and knowing myself and who I am. I remember coming in to land, and extending my hands to the bar. Seeing the patch of moss on the wall that my feet were aiming for. I felt like a cat. A BIG CAT... but a stealthy cat.
I land.
Two more times now...
Can I do it again?
The doubt returned... but was dismissed momentarily and the confidence grew.
...Lets do it again...
...a shorter count this time...
...3... I stepped up to the spot.
...2... I decided to jump.
...1... I jump.
Aaaaah... it was a feeling of joy, tinged with a slither of adrenaline. I was enjoying it, but I wanted to stay in the moment... to stay in the flight.
I land.
...just one more time!
I was feeling happy, but I was careful to control my ego.
...let it go...
...just the Jump...
...3...
...2...
...1... I jump.
This time I remember there being slight change of windspeed as I took off, but I know it was not strong enough to alter my movement. I flew again, and watched as the Black Kalenjis on my feet stretched out infront of me towards the wall, then connect on the wall with a soft crunch, similar to the sound of a small sack placed onto gravel. It was audible, but it was my quietest landing yet. This time I held the position to remember it. I remember looking at the position of my hands on the rail, and their grip... the position of my feet spread apart slightly, with one above the other... how secure they felt. I paused in this position, and turned my head to look down at the staircase... at the drop beneath me... at that which had scared me so much... and felt a sense of safety.
Out of the corner of my eye, I was aware that people were still around... Dom was smiling, James nodded, and far off I remember Tracey laughing and clapping in support.
Yes, I'd gone through it, but I wasn't alone... through the day, they'd all been there doing it as well: There had been difficult precisions... challenging drops... awkward balances - we were there as a team, but everyone facing their own demons in their own way.
Together.
Breaking jumps.
Labels: Psychology
About the Author : Brian Appiah Obeng4 Comments:
Great post. Very inspiring.
That way you described your emotions and thoughts put us in there up there with you.
Plus, at the end of your text, i could feel the family bonds also. Great atmosphere.
Train hard, cheers from Brazil.
B.Rachacuca.
love it mate. Great insight into the thought process!
By 
Andy, at
1:02 am, April 26, 2009
Nice post Bri, I remember that day well because of that jump...and the fact you did it standing!!!
By James, at
11:12 pm, April 26, 2009
very inspiring post!
counting down to zero is really a very good method to free your mind.
I love the feeling when you are at "2" and in this second you know for sure that you can do the jump, that you will do it and will success :)
By 
, at
10:47 pm, May 01, 2009
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